Dear Diary
by Llewlyn
Summary: From the 100 Kisses Challenge:  The Diary.  Reposted intact.


AN: This is part of the 100 Kisses Challenge posted on Glow (my homepage) and on Doormouse's LJ. Right, Mouse? So go look, pick one, and write! My first pick? The Diary.

* * *

August 28, 1874 

Dear Diary,

Ma bot me this and told me to write in it every day, so as to impruve my writing. I promist her I would do my best. Today we took Bobby down to the farmhouse to teach him how to milk. He is grown up now so he will be taking on responsabilitees that will teach him what he needs to know to take over this place one day. Bess was realy nervus for some reason. She kep moving about her stall and her eyes were rolling in their sockets. I wonder if a storm is coming?

_You bet yer ass, kiddo. Storm's here, an don't forget it! Cows are stupid. Who the hell are you talkin to? And LEARN TO SPELL!_

* * *

August 29 

Verry funny Sam. Quit writing in my diary ma got it for me not you. And I'm telling that you cursed.

Dear Diary,

Bess was even more nervus today than yesterday. Pa's worried that her milk will dry up. We manigd to calm her down, but then Jenny was actin up. We had to take her out to paster, and then she calm right down. Still no clouds. I wonder what's got everyone all up about?

_Ooooh, I'm scared! Go ahead and tell MOMMY on me! Mules are stupid too. I still don't get this whole 'diary' thing. Do you actually think anybody cares? And it's spelled NERVOUS. N E R V O U S. Got it?_

* * *

August 30 

Dear Diary,

My stupid brother won't leave me alone. He keeps writing in my journal. Ma yellt at him but he says he didn't do it. Bess seemt okay this morning but when we milkt her her milk was blue! It tasted okay but we cant sell it like that, of course. Ma says what she is bewitcht. And I cant find my ink bottle so that's why I'm writing in pencil.

_Dear Diary,_

_This is the dumbest kid I have ever met. Hey, guess what happens when you feed a cow a bottle of ink? Cows will eat anythin! _

* * *

August 31 

I'm scart. I lockt this in my box and hid the key, and someone wrote in it still! Who is writing in my journal? Maybe we are bewitcht! I have to show this to ma.

_Sure kid—go run and tell MA. Then you'll never find out where the treasure is buried!_

* * *

Treasure? 

_Promise not to tell yer ma?_

* * *

Are you a demon sent to steel my soul? 

_Define 'steel.'_

* * *

Well, am I gonna go to HELL for talking to you? 

_What? What are you talkin about? I don't know if yer goin to hell or not, but you won't get there just by havin a friendly conversation. _

* * *

Are you my friend? 

_Um, sure. We're friends. Happy?_

* * *

I guess so. 

Is there really a treasure?

_Sure, kid. Tons of gold. Enough to make you rich enough to buy this filthy little rat hole of a town, as if anyone would want it._

* * *

Will you tell me where it is? 

_Well, actually, I'd have to show you._

* * *

What do you mean? 

_You scared?_

* * *

No! No, I am not. So will you show me where it is? 

_Sure! You just have to say my name three times._

* * *

Is this witchcraft? 

_No! Geez, do you look like a witch?_

* * *

Of course not. I am not a witch! Witches are evil! An they have warts! 

_Well then, if you ain't a witch, then it ain't witchcraft._

* * *

Oh. Well, what is your name? 

_Betelgeuse._

* * *

That is a funny name. It sounds like a demon name. 

_Don't you study astronomy?_

* * *

A little. Not until grade 8, though. 

_Betelgeuse is a star name. In Orion._

* * *

That is the Hunter, right? 

_Yep. _

* * *

You are a star? 

_Look, kid, are you going to say my name or not? _

* * *

Are you a ghost? 

_If you don't, I'll tell Sam where the treasure is, and then he'll be the one that gets rich. An I bet he won't give you any of it._

* * *

You would not! 

_I would._

* * *

I said your name three times, and nothing happened. 

_Don't they teach you anythin in school? It's not pronounced like that! It's pronounced BEETLE JUICE, okay? An my dignity is in tatters now, jus so you know._

* * *

Oh. Sorry. I will try again tonight. 

_Tonight. Tonight. Tonight._

* * *

_Dear Diary,_

_Come to think of it, there wasn't any treasure here after all. Whoops! Better luck next time, kiddo. And thanks for the Diary—I think I might keep it! Juno always said I needed to practice my writing. Or was it my manners? _

_Anyhoo…who the hell am I talkin to?_


End file.
